Rufus is less than a month from turning 6 and in the last few months he has most definitely turned from being my baby boy into a fully fledged little boy. He’s gone from being cuddly and snuggly to wanting to have time to himself. He’s gone from playing with toys to playing with computer games and he’s gone from asking sweet questions like ‘if Australia is at the bottom, are Australians upside down?’ to talking non-stop about Minecraft and a whole game world I know nothing about.
While I am so proud of the little man he is becoming and am constantly amazed by all that he is learning, I miss my little boy.
I can honestly say that this transition has been much harder than I anticipated. Rufus and I used to have these long chats about all sorts of things. We’d talk about what he was learning at school and the games he played with his friends. We would talk about his favourite superheroes and the things they could do and we would talk about what we wanted to do together. These days, however, he doesn’t really instigate conversations. He has to be bribed to come and chat with me and getting any information about his day is like the proverbial blood and stone.
Since Rufus was born he has been my full time companion. We have grown up together these past six years and I have loved (almost) every minute of it. We’ve been through a lot together, but now things are changing. Rufus doesn’t need me like he used to and in a way, he doesn’t want me like he used to either, but I still need him. I need my little buddy, my amigo, my boy. I need his cuddles and his sweet curiosity. I need his love.
Of course I know he still loves me and he knows I adore him but our relationship is changing and so it should. He can’t stay my baby forever but as completely uncool as it makes me sound – I really wish he could.
Instead of wallowing in a pit of sorrow though, I have decided to take action. If I want him and his companionship, I am going to have to go to him. So from today I vow to try to learn what this whole Minecraft thing is about. We got him a book on it for Christmas which I will read, along with the various Wiki pages. I am going to get to know what he loves so that although I don’t really see myself playing it, I can at least engage with him about it in a much more meaningful way than my current ‘oh’s and ‘I see’s. Hopefully this will help our relationship to continue to flourish despite his insistence on growing up.
I guess what I can take from all this is that my kids really are my world, for better or worse, and I need to evolve along with them.