• General,  Mental health,  My weekly thought

    Living in me

    Over the last couple of months I have been going to counselling. It started out as a way to help me cope with the feelings I was having post birth but has now become a real deep dive into how my mind works and how long it has been going on. When I was a young child, about 8, I was travelling in the car with my mum and I remember saying that when I grew up, I didn’t want to be selfish. I remember that moment so clearly, I remember being in the back seat of the car, I remember the roundabout we were going round and the buildings…

  • General,  My weekly thought

    Happy New Year

    It’s been a while since I’ve written. This is mainly because the presence of my newest family addition, beautiful Martha, has taken up a lot of the last two months but also because I have struggled to find a distinct topic I want to write about. The last two months saw the birth of Martha and in turn becoming a family of five. It also saw me retuning to counselling and restarting my prescription of anti-depressants. It has seen me come to terms with how fragile I feel but also how strong I can be despite my fragility. However none of these things formed into a single coherent thread that…

  • General,  My weekly thought

    The fear sets in

    **Quick disclaimer – if you are in anyway squeamish this blog post will contain information about the things that happen towards the end of pregnancy. It will be descriptive and honest so if you don’t like that kind of thing – woman up (I hate that expression but I’m a woman and am not squeamish about anything regarding this subject so…)**   I am now a week overdue and I am struggling to not be really scared about the risks involved in my pregnancy. I have spoken before about my Group B Strep positive results on my Youtube channel as well as Eloise’s birth and the subsequent GBS infection. Well,…

  • General,  My weekly thought,  Social Change

    Self-Preservation

    In most aspects of my life I take great pride in being well informed, curious and generally open to learning about politics, issues and the wider world. I think it’s important that if I want a world to exist that reflects my slightly socialist ( for lack of a better definition) views then I need to know and understand as much as I can about how things work. I am not a naive person, I realise that the change I hope to see and be a part of will take decades if not centuries to come about. Humans, while resilient can be very slow to evolving their ideas and to…

  • General,  My weekly thought

    Homework?

    Rufus started back at school a couple of weeks ago and now he’s all grown up and in year one with a proper assigned seat, workbooks and no settling in time on the carpet. Needless to say the adjustment has been challenging for both of us. However I am pleased to say that he actually seems to be loving every minute of it, at least the academic stuff (he thinks P.E is a waste of time). The biggest difference this year is that now the children are given homework on a Friday which should be back in on the following Wednesday. When Rufus began at the school I made it…

  • General,  My weekly thought,  Parenting

    A change in attitude

    I am now one month from my due date (23/10/2018) and it would be foolish to think that I would be able to get through this month without feeling nervous, scared, upset and panicky. There are also other emotions that I can expect too and I think they’re ones I have neglected throughout this pregnancy so far. I feel excitement, joy, eager anticipation and the all important overwhelming need to nest. After experiencing the trauma of my birth with Eloise I entered into this pregnancy with quite a high level of anxiety and an expectation that it would be extremely emotionally draining. I think I was so aware of this…

  • General,  My weekly thought

    Where has all the kindness gone?

    You can call me naive, you can say I’m idealistic but there is something that has been bothering me a lot lately and I need to get it off my chest. People on the internet can be really shitty sometimes. Now, before I get into this, let me make it clear that I am not talking about internet trolls. They are awful, but we know they’re awful and to be honest, so do they. I’m talking about regular people who once they sit behind a keyboard lose all sense of respect, kindness and general politeness. I, as many parents do, belong to a number of parent forums on Facebook. I…

  • General,  My weekly thought

    My funny little mind

    I am now 25 weeks pregnant and for the most part I’ve been feeling pretty good about my changing body. Given my history of eating disorders and damaging thought patterns, pregnancy is always a bit of a challenge. Once you get as far along as I am you’re hungry a lot and the weight really does start to pile on. As it’s my third pregnancy I have quite a pronounced bump and have done for a while now. I also, naturally carry my weight on my bum and thighs so that thigh gap has most definitely disappeared and I am thoroughly cushioned for sitting on hard floors. Something happened the…