It’s been a while since I’ve written. This is mainly because the presence of my newest family addition, beautiful Martha, has taken up a lot of the last two months but also because I have struggled to find a distinct topic I want to write about.

The last two months saw the birth of Martha and in turn becoming a family of five. It also saw me retuning to counselling and restarting my prescription of anti-depressants. It has seen me come to terms with how fragile I feel but also how strong I can be despite my fragility. However none of these things formed into a single coherent thread that felt worthy of a blog post, especially when time with a newborn is so precious.

So what’s different about today? Well this morning, very early thanks to breastfeeding, I heard the news that Mike Taylor (aka Beard Guy from Walk off the Earth) died in his sleep last night. He died in his sleep of natural causes. He was only in his 40s and left behind two young children. I only came to know of Walk off the Earth in the last two years but in that time they have become one of my favourite bands performing ingenious covers and creating wonderfully eclectic original songs. The Beard Guy was a brilliant part of the bands’ sound and aesthetic and from all accounts, just a really good guy.

As is always the case at this time of year people talk about resolutions they plan to make (and will probably break) in the coming year. I, as a rule, do not make such resolutions – why set yourself up for failure? However, this year I do feel I want to mark the passing of time and Mike’s death has spurred me on in this quest. I am now 32 years old, I have a wonderful husband, 3 gorgeous children and in many ways a charmed life but as I have discussed previously, I am not without my problems. This year and hopefully forever more I am going to strive to overcome this problems, I want to live my life as happily and as fulfilled as possible. I deserve to and my family deserve to have a happier me.

Now, to be clear this resolution is not about changing me into something new but instead more about appreciating the me that is already here. Truly believing that I am good enough and being proud enough in myself to show the world what I have to offer. I look at my children and see their complete innocence and unabashed pride in the things they achieve and I want to have that too. I want to have the enthusiasm of a child and to live my life in a way that brings me joy rather than constantly berating myself. I still hope to be a kind and good person but will also put myself first now and then, follow my dreams as well as encouraging the dreams of others.

By the end of 2019 I will be 33 years old and the main thing I hope to say is that I lived my life fully – as cliched as that may sound. So watch this space and see what I get up to.

To finish this post I will include a Walk Off the Earth video to honour the late great Beard Guy.